“I love all the weight I’m gaining in this unplanned pregnancy I’m somehow enduring as a nineteen year old,” said no one ever. Or at least I for sure was not thinking that thirty years ago during the pregnancy I endured at that tender age. So why am I bringing that up now? To share one more way God showed He was helping me though that pregnancy.
I can’t help but share how it was obvious God, my Heavenly Father, proved He was holding me, a nineteen year old, after admitting I had totally messed up.
In the midst of my unplanned pregnancy, I felt more of a need to cling to God. It was a must. My heart, soul, and mind would have overflowed with guilt if I did not feel His forgiveness.
As month after month being pregnant went by, He made sure I could tell that, as long as I included Him in this tough time, He was there – noticeably there – making it imposable for me not to thank Him many times. Peace began to form inside me as I soaked up the fact that God isn’t just my Lord and King, but my Father. It was impossible not to have ‘Thank you, God’ thoughts as I saw His hand here and there while my tummy grew.
As I showed recently, He showed me one obvious sign He was there. (1*) I’ve decided to share a few other things that were showing up that I was, slowly but surely, beginning to give God credit for. I’ll show a different one on each post for a while, being that they’re worth more than a few sentences to describe.
Of course I must start with the very first happening that I realized later on God planned. At the time it happened it was far from being listed in any ‘Thank you, God’ category. The following excerpt is from my book God and Your Pillow
During all the page flipping, it felt like I was a spy who was taking forever to find an important number. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I guess I’ll look under ‘Pregnancy Test.’ Okay, let’s see. Planned Parenthood. This sure wasn’t ‘planned,’ but I guess I have to ‘plan’ something if I am.
As I continue my story, it’s time to share a piece directly from my book about my unplanned pregnancy which I dealt with when I was nineteen years old. The title is God and Your Pillow because those are the only two who really knew all of my heart, soul, and mind during this difficult time.
So one day there I was, Marianne, nineteen years old, recently had begun my new walk as a Christian with Christ right by my side as I was full of energy to face the world. The next day, however, I was that same nineteen-year-old who was now faced with an unplanned pregnancy, wanting to hide from the world.
“Okay, the doors now shut. I’m home. I’m pregnant. Now what,” I, the most nervous nineteen year old in the world, asked myself. I walked into my home, having found out a few hours before that I was pregnant. There I was, facing the fact I had to tellmy parents.
In an older writing I talked about that front door of the house I grew up in, and how it, my last few years there, symbolized new beginnings. I stepped through that door as one Marianne Houstoun and came back a different Marianne Houstoun.